The Harsh Reality
by SiriusBlack.Oh.He'sMine
Summary: "I'm sorry Sirius. I am so sorry." She whispered before slowly pressing her lips to the picture. Then she placed the locket back where it belonged, the cold metal touching her heart. Bellatrix contemplates her life after she kills Sirius.


She grabbed hold of the sink, pressing all of her weight against it incase she lost her balance. Her eyes danced wildly as she tried to focus on the reflection in the mirror. The ghost of a lost smile still etched on her face. Her blood red lips, slightly parted, her breathing shallow and quick. Her once sparkling blue eyes now grey, filled with unshed tears, framed by thick, black lashes. Her thin cheek bones were even more pronouced, soft, pale skin stretched across her face. She used to look so full of life, so full of spirit. Now her body was just a dying version of what she once was. All of her spirit, her real life had disappeared when she officially became one of his followers. The day that she became a death eater. Her knotted, curly hair fell madly around her face, finishing the deranged look she now carried.

Regret was the only emotion her cold heart could feel. What if she hadn't joined the Dark Lord's side? Maybe her life would be perfect, the life she always dreamed of when she was a little girl. Her dreams were filled with a perfect husband, someone who really loved her for the person she was, a perfect house, just right for the perfect children she would have.

She would have had two children, a sweet little girl and a darling little boy. The girl would be the same as her mother would have been, caring and kind. Always looking out for those closest to her, she would be a beautiful little girl that everyone adored. The boy would be the same as his father, exceptionally good looking, but also have a warm, good heart, willing to help others, selfless in everything he did. When they went to Hogwarts they would be the top of the class, both of them very intelligent, popular with good friends and they would do something good with their lives.

Her husband would be very handsome, and would tell her she was beautiful, that he loved her, would give up his life for her, because he would. He would be selfless and put other people's needs before his own. He would be an auror, fighting the darkness of the world. She would stay at home, cook, clean, enjoy herself, and when her husband was away on a mission she wouldn't worry about him. She wouldn't worry about him never coming back to her because he always would come back to her. Because he loved her.

A knock on the door forced her back to the present day. The familar voice could be heard from the otherside of the door, bringing her out of her dream and back to the cold, harsh reality that was her life.

"Bellatrix, are you going to be much longer? You're not the only person who uses that bathroom you know!" Her husband Rodolphus barked through the door, making her flinch with cowardice. The public thought her to be a mad, strong character that was out of control and couldn't be tamed in the damage she caused. But that was just an act. She was caring and considerate. Quite shy, but liked to have her own voice, something she lacked in this life.

In a small voice she replied sweetly, "I'll be coming out shortly, sweetheart. I'm sorry for being such a bother." Hoping that her apology was enough to keep Rodolphus happy for the time being.

"Well you should be!" He shouted at her, making her flinch. Her breath caught in her throat and the unshed tears fell freely from her eyes. The heavy footsteps gradually got quieter, leaving her in silence once more.

Bellatrix had never wanted to marry him. She hated him, she hated the ground he walked on, everything about him. One day when she was out with her mother and father in Diagon Alley, she had caught his eye as the young, beautiful, elegant witch she was. He had requested her hand in marriage and for their own selfish reasons, her parents agreed. He had never really loved her, never really appreciated her the way he should, the way her husband did at night, when she was dreaming of the life that she would never possess.

Her breathing became shallow as her body racked with sobs. Nobody, not even Narcissa, knew her for who she was. Only one person ever had, and he was gone. All thanks to her. Why did he have to fall through the veil? Why did she have to be dueling with him? A flashback of him falling, painfully slow falling back, staring into her dark eyes as they filled with shock at what she done. She screamed in terror at what she had done, wishing she could take back her actions, she wished she could start all over again with a different life.

Sirius Black was gone. Dead. When they were younger, the two cousins were inseperable. They loved each other, they were the _same_ as each other, like twins. But then he was sorted into Gryffindor, and her Slytherin. Following the rest of her family. Her pureblood, evil, narcissistic family. He then became known as a 'Marauder' and they had to stop being friends, although the love never went away.

She stared back into the mirror, the image scaring her once again. Then it changed. Her hair became less wild, and fell in loose curls, framing her face. Her cheeks became rosy and fuller, making her look healthy. Her eyes returned to the sparkling blue colour they once were. The blood red lips went a glossy pink and turned up in a breath taking smile. Her eyes roamed over every aspect of the face in the mirror, from her perfectly shaped eyebrows to her shining, white teeth. This face was beautiful, it was everything she wanted to be, everything she could have been if she had chosen the right path. The same path that her favourite cousin did all those years ago.

With a weak hand she stretched out and gently touched the glass. Nothing happened, the image was still smiling back at her, breaking her heart as it did. More tears fell from her eyes and stained her cheeks. She ducked her head but still kept her hand upon the mirror.

The image of what could have been faded and once again the deranged figure appeared. She looked back into the mirror and let out of sob. Her ghostly features were contorted into a look of pain and hurt as she studied her once perfect face.

'Come on Bella. You need to pull yourself together.' She thought to herself whilst taking a deep breath. She washed her tear stained cheeks and her red, watery eyes. Before she left the bathroom she pulled out a locket from under her corset and opened it. Inside was a picture of her and Sirius as children, so care free when they had no worries. She gently touched Sirius' face in the photo. They were both laughing together with their arms wrapped around the other. She took in his features, never wanting to look away.

"I'm sorry Sirius. I am so sorry." She whispered before slowly pressing her lips to the picture.

Then she placed the locket back where it belonged, the cold metal touching her heart. She twisted her face up into a charming smile and left the bathroom. Ready to face the cold, harsh reality that was her life.


End file.
